I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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