barbara walters just said penis...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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