Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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