My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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