I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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