I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
