I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im part way to drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
