his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
