I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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