i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
