i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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