Best friends brother. Beat that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
