hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
