I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
