The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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