its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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