so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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