dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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