I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
