My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
