Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
