My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
