You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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