Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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