I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
