She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
