I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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