how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
