We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
