Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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