Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
