i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The feeling are messing with the penis
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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