that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
