i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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