I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
