Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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