Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
