I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
