Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
