Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
