What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
