I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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