eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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