Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
