I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
