Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
