It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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