my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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