I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sex in a hospital.. check
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
