Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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