If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
