Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
