I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
