i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
