yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
