That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
