I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
